The 12 Steps is often broken down into studying and meditating of each step on a monthly basis. Admitting Powerlessness (Step 1) in that scenario would be January. In working through these steps over my life and in particular, hardcore over the past 5 years each year brings revelations that bring these steps into a clarity that becomes easier and more natural. This year I am finding as I do every year that admitting powerlessness is easier. I am also finding what it is that I have control over is easier. Letting go of the illusion of control no longer seems to leave a vacuum as it does when we begin to work the steps. It is not as though we are taking something away that we actually had in the first place, it is taking away only an illusion of something we thought we actually did. And like feelings, thoughts are not facts. The only truth or fact is truth or fact. The fact is, we are not in control.
For those of you beginning this path, believe now and know that this is the hardest it will be IF we work the steps faithfully. IF we work the steps they will work for us.
If I am powerless (over what I can not control) what is powerful? If I am the creation that can not control all who or what is the Creator? If I am the lessor power, who is the Higher? This is the 2nd step and what we come to in February.
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Our Higher Power is different to us all. But the framework for our Higher Power in this “course” is that it is a loving and caring Higher Power.
Sometimes though the problem of resolving this Higher Power is that our concept of what is loving and what is caring is distorted because we look to what we have been taught in our lives by those who are often effected by this disease for our definition. And that can make this hard.
Our Higher Power is always for us. For our best interest for our growth and for our healing. Our Higher Power will always be within us, pulling on us to do the next right thing. Our Loving Caring Higher Power will always be there in perfection of what we know love should be. And which we as mere mortals strive to give and be but most often fail at. Our Higher Power has no sense of false pride of being right or wrong because our Higher Power does not know wrong. Our Higher Power offers love only. Pure love, perfect love. And yes, sometimes that means tough love. All that occurs in our lives will benefit us in someway. And that is part of love, even if it is hard.
Through many years of working this program I have come to see what my worst enemy is. It is my will. The sense of I that I created. I cannot create perfectly, but my Higher Power can. The I that “I” tried to create is not the perfect creation my Higher Power created. The “YOU” that “I” see is not the perfect creation that your Higher Power created you to be. With that awareness and with Step 3, I have come to a more peaceful place in my life than all previous years, all previous days. This is the sanity our Higher Power brings us to.
Often when we are wrestling with the Higher Power aspect of this program we look for framework, handrails. Use them, your Higher Power has put those there. The framework, the stories, sponsors, friends, literature. He has placed them all there for our benefit. Your Higher Power will tell you if you ask and LISTEN for his response, which rails to continue to hold onto and which one’s you can safely let go of. And be assured that the rails you let go of will be replaced. He will not leave you without a guide.
Coming to believe is a gradual process. And when you think you’ve got it you do. Learning can only happen with a desire to learn and where there is no fear. Learning is a temporary state that comes and goes. Sometimes we are in a state of being and sometimes in a state of learning. And so what you learn now of your Higher Power will grow in depth, breadth and love.